Wow. Let me just say that control belongs to the Lord. Before we lost our daughter in 2011, I firmly believed that I was in control of just about everything in my life. Following Emma’s death, I am now a firm believer that control is an illusion and it’s not something you ever truly own.
Or, maybe I should say it this way. There are some aspects of life we can control – like our attitude and our actions. We are in control of those. However, we are NOT in control of 99% of the events that occur throughout the day. The sun rises. We’re not in control of that. The sun sets…that’s God’s responsibility. My children don’t finish their school work, or my computer crashes, or the battery dies in the car. These are not in my control. How I respond to these situations is in my control.
When our daughter died, I had no control of that situation. I’ve replayed the events surrounding her passing (she was stillborn) again and again and the same result happens. She passed away and joined Jesus in heaven before she ever even took her first breath. THAT is in God’s control – not mine.
Let me just say that I have freely given up control to God. He alone knows what’s going to happen. He alone will direct my path. He alone will carry me through. He did it following Emma’s death and He’s continued to do it ever since. It’s easier when I don’t fool myself that I am in control. It’s easier to release those burdens that hold me back and pin me down. It’s quite liberating actually.
I was a control freak (and some days I still am), but when I get really wound up and bent out of shape, I remember who’s really in control and I let it go. The stress unwinds. My blood pressure decreases and my heart rate goes back to normal. After all, I’m just me…in a world that belongs to God…His creation. One day I’ll join Him in heaven but until then I’m under his authority and control. There’s no better place to be.
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